It isn’t bad to feel sad….

Sadness is one of the four main human emotions — the others being happiness, fear and anger. Sadness is valid and useful; it alerts us to how we need to treat ourselves, and also as to how we want to be treated by others.

I am not talking about long-term sadness, or as Lewis Wolpert calls depression, “malignant sadness,” and I am certainly not talking about grief. Here, I am talking about the feeling of sadness that can be experienced when someone we like or love is unkind to us, when we see or experience something poignant, or when we experience some loss or hurt. These feelings will not last weeks but are not transient either. It may feel like a temporary shadow has passed across your feelings.

Some people have real difficulty identifying this emotion, due to living in a culture which values “positive” emotions above the more negative ones. This is a mistake because as humans, we need the full range of our emotions to be in working order in order to be able to respond appropriately to our own needs and those of others.

As sadness is not always acceptable in our culture and many people are uncomfortable witnessing the sadness of another, it can often be covered up by anger.



Occasionally when I feel angry with someone, when I look for the underlying emotion, it will be sadness or fear. You can check your true feelings by asking yourself what made you feel angry. For example, you might think, “I felt angry because he said something rude about my family.”

Then ask yourself, “What does it mean to me when people are rude about my family?” Maybe it means you feel attacked, or that you have bad parents and poor morals— this could cause feelings of fear that you are inadequate or sadness that you haven’t done a good job and that your friend thinks badly of you. I don’t know what you will come up with, but if you are interested in your authentic feelings, then you can uncover what you feel by keeping asking the same question: “What does it mean for me when (fill in whatever they said or did)?

Once you have identified sadness, then respond appropriately to this emotion in yourself and others. First, allow yourself to be sad. You don’t have to be “up” or “positive” all the time. If you feel sad, explore your feelings and find out what you need. You may need to talk to a friend, have time to yourself, or to work through your feelings and accept them. I prefer listening to sad songs to make me even sadder and that’ll make me feel a lot more better.



When you respond to others who are feeling sad you may just need to be with them, not rejecting them whilst they feel sad. It is okay to ask them, “What do you need right now?” Sometimes the experience of having someone sit with you whilst you experience previously unacceptable feelings can be very healing.

Whatever your own experience of sadness, remember it is part of being human. It allows us to recognize and value the contrast between feeling happy and sad. We need these contrasts in order to recognize our own vulnerabilities and those of others and to be able to appreciate our gains and losses.

The ability to recognize and respond to your own and others’ emotions will stand you in good stead. It will mean you are more likely to understand others and they are more likely to understand you.

Try to embrace all the emotions you have at your disposal, even the ones that may seem “weak” or “shameful”—these are just other people’s labels. After all, these feelings are what allow you to experience life at its fullest, and ultimately, they are part of what makes you human.

L. O. V. E

People call it publicity, I call it lessons. People might be heartless and inconsiderate and they do deserve the most cruel of punishment. I do not know what to call it but some things are not anywhere close to love. After finding a kid genuinely lost, panicked and being harrased by passers by, two newly […]

L. O. V. E

The Strength of Vulnerability

Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive.

– Brené Brown

Whether you’re new to Brown’s work and incredible research or you’re looking for a quick, digestible summary of the most important lessons, look no further.

Here are some of the life-changing lessons;

  1. Don’t bottle up your emotions, become self-aware.

Most of us were taught to hide our emotions or run away from them. However, this causes nothing but continuous pain and stress. The consequences are far-reaching and the longer we keep those emotions bottled up, the worse the situation gets.

Instead, we need to become more self-aware and explore our emotions, asking questions to get in touch with how we’re feeling and thinking in a given moment.

Find a method to persuade these feelings out which works best for you such as writing, meditation, or talking to a friend.

  1. Vulnerability takes courage.

Most modern cultures err on the side of suppressed feelings in an effort to display strength. However, as it is demonstrated in her pivotal research, vulnerability is anything but weakness. In fact, it takes true strength and courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

The cool part about it, though, is the gifts we unlock by being willing to be vulnerable far outweigh the difficulty in doing so. By having the courage to be vulnerable and open up to ourselves and the world around us we come directly in touch with our most authentic self. And, in doing so, can live a much more fulfilling and happier life.

  1. Show up, face fear, and move forward.

In everything that we do, fear and criticism will always be there to greet us. Fear is the great restrictive force, as it stops most people from ever stepping more than one foot outside their comfort zone towards realizing their true desires.

Because fear and criticism will always be there in some form, the best course of action is always to show up anyway and move forward. No matter what you’re doing, show up every day to do what you were meant to do and don’t let these hindrances stop you.

The more you stand up to these negative forces, the more you’ll flex your courage and resilience and come out stronger for it.

  1. Seek excellence, not perfection.

Perfectionism is, “the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame.”

Perfectionism isn’t about growth, improvement, or personal achievement, it’s about fear and avoidance. Therefore, what you should really be focused on is realizing excellence, the best version of yourself despite your flaws. This perspective is healthy and inclusive and leads to real personal growth as opposed to a flawed perfectionism.

  1. Dare to be you.

The final and perhaps most important lesson of all is that you must dare to be yourself– at whatever the cost.

The forces of fear, insecurity, and doubt will never go away no matter how hard you try to avoid, hide from, or attempt to bury them. Instead, face them with courage and confidence in your authentic self and know that you’ve been given the gifts necessary to overcome whatever is in front of you.

Dare to be yourself in all your glory– your strengths, skills, and beauty as well as your flaws and insecurities. In doing so, you can realize true strength of spirit.

THE MOST VITAL RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR LIFE.

I’m a fan of relationships; all types. We crave connection because it is one of our most basic needs. In order to survive we must have peaceful, harmonious relationships. Relationships make the world go round and it doesn’t matter if it’s business, family or friends. The quality of our relationships says a lot about us and how we deal with people ultimately determines our level of success. An imbalance in one relationship has the potential to derail other areas. This may not always be the case, but to be on the safe side, make sure that your top relationships are in good standing.

Most of us have had missteps along the way where we have mishandled relationships and regretted it later only to find out that it was too late to apologize, salvage or make amends. When we were younger we tended to be more cavalier with relationships. We’d fall out with our friends over the smallest of things and never seem to get back on track. However, as we mature and become more seasoned, we are quick to repair those relationships that benefit us and cut those that suck the life out of us and take too much energy. Relationships are work, but they don’t have to be hard work. Whether its marriage, a friendship or a business relationship its important to deal with them accordingly in a way that will yield the greatest reward.

In order of importance, these are the key relationships that you need in your life;

Spirit

It doesn’t matter if you believe in God or a higher power, its important to be grounded in something greater than yourself. Your relationship to the spirit will allow you to call upon that power in good times and bad. It will keep and help you do far more than you could ever imagine. Have you seen how difficult it is for someone with no belief system to accomplish things? It’s because they believe that they can do it all alone. We are all spiritual beings and it is only by grace that we can achieve our destiny.

Self

When you have a healthy relationship with yourself you are keenly aware of who and what you are. You understand your strengths and opportunities for growth. We are our greatest cheerleader and our harshest critic, but a balance between the two will yield a healthy self-esteem that will allow you to accomplish anything.

Family

Many people have a love- hate relationship with their family. However it’s important for us to seek to be in alignment with our families. We should always do our best to be in peace and love them unconditionally. Despite distance or shortcomings we need to put our best foot forward and learn to co-exist with them even from afar. Send good energy towards them always because without it you will continue to struggle.

Friends, Associates And Colleagues.

How we deal with others is a reflection of what we have learned in dealing with spirit, family and ourselves. When we are in right relationship with friends, associates and colleagues, we bring peace, compassion, love and joy from those relationships and ultimately reap the rewards.

In a nutshell, healthy, meaningful connections in each of these areas will ensure that your life is filled with abundance and success.

5 Signs It May Actually Be Love At First Sight.

  1. You Feel A Little Queasy Upon Meeting Them.

If you feel a little sick in the stomach upon meeting someone you’re attracted to, it could very well be love at first sight since our feelings can in a way impact our digestive system. It’s very common to feel butterflies or other physical sensations.

This happens because there’s a strong gut-brain connection. Since your stomach and brain work closely together, feelings of anger, happiness, sadness, and anxiety, can all trigger physical symptoms in your gut. So the queasy feeling of butterflies in your stomach that you get could be a result of the elation and anxiety you feel from meeting someone you’re really into.

  1. You Want To Know Everything About Them.

Have you ever met someone and just wanted to know every single thing about them? If you have, that’s a really good sign. A genuine fascination with a person and their thoughts on any and every topic is a clear indication that you could be falling for them in that very moment.

Being really attracted to someone doesn’t always mean you’re going to be a good match. Getting to know someone is the only way to see if you’re compatible. According to studies, having a curiosity to learn more about someone is a really good sign that you want more of a connection with them. For instance, a 2011 study published in the Journal of Personality, found that people create closeness and intimacy with others when they’re genuinely curious about them. Curiosity leads to asking more questions, which then leads to intimate conversations. Less curious people, on the other hand, are more likely to keep it to small talk.

  1. They’re The Only Person You See.

When the feeling is mutual, your eyes will often lock on one another, muting your ability to hear or see anyone or anything else. When it comes to love and attraction, eye contact is everything. A 2018 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that when you’re attracted to someone, you’re going to look at them as much as possible. Maintaining eye contact is also a great flirting technique — it allows someone to know you’re interested in what they have to say. So locking eyes with someone you’re attracted to can make you feel like you’re falling in love.

  1. You’ll Feel A Sense Of Familiarity.

When you experience love at first sight, it’s very common to feel like you’ve already met this person before. Nothing feels forced. It all seems naturally comfortable between the two of you. This can be incredibly powerful, as you feel your connection to this person may have existed prior to your first meeting like I did when I first met my love. Damn……well, that’s a story for some other day.

It’s hard to build a connection with someone when you’re constantly a nervous wreck around them. But when you’re completely relaxed, you can be yourself. That means you can bring up topics that you’re truly interested in or share your opinions without any fear of being judged. Feeling instantly comfortable with someone is a great sign that you may have the type of chemistry that’s meant to last.

  1. You Find Their Mannerisms Super Appealing

Finding another person’s mannerisms attractive is a tell-tale sign of falling in love. The way a person walks, talks, or smiles can be incredibly appealing and can make you feel an instant bond. Overlooking someone’s quirks or even being engaged by something that would otherwise send us in the opposite direction, is a good indication that it is love at first sight.

There are more physical signs that you’re attracted to someone at first sight like your heart speeding up, your body temperature getting hot, and the smile that just won’t leave your face. You’ll feel excited and your body shows it because your brain is releasing endorphins; This is your body telling you there is attraction and a connection. This is that ‘you just know’ feeling.

While it’s clear that your body naturally reacts a certain way when you meet someone attractive, is it actually love? There is no way to know if this is the case at first sight. Much more needs to be learned about the other person to truly love them. But that can happen quickly depending on how much time is spent together and how open and honest the two are with each other. So it is possible that love will happen, especially if the excitement continues each time you see each other.

Love does need time to develop. But that doesn’t mean you should discount that initial connection you feel with someone. If you believe in love at first sight, don’t let anyone, let alone science, tell you it isn’t real. After all, Prince Harry said he knew Meghan Markle was “The One” the very first time they met. So it can happen, right?

In a heartbeat

Falling in love at first sight is one of those things you either believe in or don’t. The concept of it is so fairytale-esque, it’s almost hard to believe it can actually happen in reality. Love at first sight happens more than you probably think. Love at first sight is relatively easy to explain. Romantic love runs along certain electrical and chemical pathways through the brain which can be triggered instantly.

Nearly 34 percent of singles say they’ve actually experienced falling in love at first sight, Match found. And, more men (41 percent) say they’ve experienced it than women (29 percent),

A study published in The Journal of Social Psychology earlier this year found that men typically say they fall in love much faster than women say they do. Statistics show men experience love at first sight much more often than women because they may be more visual. That’s probably why single men were found to be ten percent more likely to believe in love at first sight. Do you believe in love at first sight or am I the only one who does……

“It’s a basic drive, like thirst and hunger,” It is said. “Food and water keep you alive today; romantic love leads to bonding, mating and sending your DNA into tomorrow. In fact, poetry around the world talks about love at first sight. Even other creatures experience instant attraction to one another. But cultural factors always play a role as well.” Meaning, if you’re ready and open to fall in love, Then, boom — it’s natural.

But how do you know it’s love at first sight?

To be continued……

Unconditional Love

“If we make our goal to live a life of compassion and unconditional love, then the world will indeed become a garden where all kinds of flowers can bloom and grow.”

“The greatest power known to man is that of unconditional love. Through the ages, mystics, sages, singers and poets have all expressed the ballad and call to love. As humans, we have searched endlessly for the experience of love through the outer senses. Great nations have come and gone under the guise of love for their people. Religions have flourished and perished while claiming the true path to love. We, the people of this planet, may have missed the simplicity of unconditional love. . .

“Simply stated, unconditional love is an unlimited way of being. We are without any limit to our thoughts and feelings in life and can create any reality we choose to focus our attention upon. There are infinite imaginative possibilities when we allow the freedom to go beyond our perceived limits. If we can dream it, we can build it. Life, through unconditional love, is a wondrous adventure that excites the very core of our being and lights our path with delight.” – from Harold W. Becker in Unconditional Love – An Unlimited Way of Being.

Back in the early 1990’s, TLF Founder, Harold W. Becker, developed a rather unique, and perhaps unconventional, contemporary definition for unconditional love and shared it in his first book, Internal Power – Seven Doorways to Self Discovery. Ever seeking a practical and universal definition, he chose to understand and evolve each of the two words “unconditional” and “love” to their core essence of meaning. Then combining them into one idea he realized a useful insight for applying this profound perspective found in this unique combination of two words. Harold’s definition simply stated – “unconditional love is an unlimited way of being”.

This definition doesn’t necessarily speak to the typical expected response or popular collective understanding of most cultures. Instead it reveals something more important – the individual potential that resides within each of us every moment. It merely asks that we approach each moment with clarity and right perspective and recognize the vast unlimited possibilities to choose a new way of thinking and feeling.

Such a sense of profound love comes when we first forgive and accept ourselves for all our limiting beliefs, mistakes, judgments and misunderstandings and apply the “unconditional” to us personally. We recognize our self worth, value our talents, and allow ourselves to be who we are rather than what we think others wish us to be. In turn, we naturally understand those around us and extend our helping hand without condition, judgment or expectation. We see ourselves in the reflection of another and know that everyone deserves to love and be loved without condition.

By embracing the present moment with openness we realize and know we have the solutions and answers already within us. We begin building a reality that is based on love, wisdom and power in perfect balance. For each step we take personally, we impact the world with this amazing energy of love.

Unconditional love turns hope into knowing in a collective reality that is often seen as hopeless or seemingly impossible to overcome. When you know something is possible you empower this to manifest with your very being. So know from now on that you are loved and loving and see how the world responds to your light and knowing. Watch how your peace and strength is sought out by others and how the limitless love you have to share is the love you receive in return.

Why unconditional love?When we allow ourselves to understand the impact our actions have not only on ourselves but the planet we live on, we realize the necessity to take loving action. We each have the power to correct conditions within as well as to affect the world we live in.

There are so many ways to apply love in our everyday lives. Yet, if we do not take care of ourselves, it is virtually impossible to feel and share love with the world around us. As an act of self-love, we can begin to educate ourselves and learn to take care of our physical bodies as well as keep our thoughts and feelings positive and loving. Nurturing ourselves also teaches us how to nurture life around us.

Practice constant acts of kindness and you bring kindness upon this planet. Forgiveness is the easiest and most powerful act of kindness you can make. Both for yourself and for others, this activity promotes unity, harmony and oneness that transmutes the old into the new.

This magnificent planet is filled with opportunities to experience love, respect, peace and joy. When we, as individuals, realize our potential to love unconditionally, we transform ourselves and the planet at the same time. Such is the power we wield every moment of every day. The choice is ours to create a world of joy and happiness, love and goodwill.

The power of love is held within each of us every moment. This wondrous energy is available merely by our use and conscious recognition. When we choose to love one another we transcend the lower personality perceptions and rise to a higher truth. We recognize our oneness, wholeness and interconnectedness.

This is not a conditional love or the type of love one may try to use to earn favors or expect validation, rather this is a universal and unconditional love that recognizes the beauty in life every moment. It is of a higher nature. It is a natural expression that does not expect an outcome. It is giving just for the sake of giving.

It is in the sharing and giving of love to others that we receive the same that we give. Give love and surely you will experience love itself. Express love to the world around you and the world will reflect back to you the power of love.

Each of us desires to understand and realize this experience of love. Just listen to the lyrics of most music, for example, and you will quickly see how much the notion of love plays a part in our personal journey of life. We seek it in our families, relationships, careers, religions, hobbies, and even at times we look to nature itself. All the while, it is right within us ready to be given out and experienced.

Love is such a powerful force especially when shared.

Who do you perceive/believe yourself to be right now? How do you want to experience life? Will you be more kind, gentle, forgiving, tolerant and loving? Or will you continue to give your power away to the fear and doubt that is so prevalent right now in our society? The choice is ultimately yours.

Might we suggest a resolution to love unconditionally? Within you is an unlimited supply of love and you hold the key to its release. Fear and doubt, anger and hate, have no more control over our lives than we allow. Can it be that simple? It really is. Loving is a choice we can make every moment.

Begin with yourself. Realize that you are a powerful, spiritual and angelic being and can create with love. Take care of your thoughts and feelings and make sure they reflect the positive you. Also observe your actions and insure that they have a loving intent too.

Even when our emotions get the best of us and the stress and concerns of life become a bit overwhelming, just remember we have tools of forgiveness, gratitude, meditation, visualization, and letting go, to assist us in overcoming the negative experiences we encounter each day. Most things we concern ourselves over are not worth worrying about or holding on to.

When you are clear and receptive to your own higher, loving nature, you can then direct this love to people and places around you. Your peace becomes the peace for others. Your love becomes the love other people feel.

Be the angel you are and choose to live freely and joyfully. In doing so, you make this a better world to live and love in.

STRENGTH AND VULNERABILITY 

Strength never comes before vulnerability no matter what you think you know or it may seem like. I thought it best to clarify that as we start. Do not let the title fool you; we gain most part of our strength after we have been open to the unknown, to hope or even possible failure. Whatever you may have before being vulnerable is either paralyzing fear or the kind of dread that moves you to be brave.

The point am trying to drive at today is clearly love and relationships oriented just in case you have missed it or it was not clear enough as yet. I truly do not know everything just like the rest of the world’s population especially concerning matters of love but I like to share what I learn time after time through personal experiences and sometimes knowledge gained from other people who were kind enough to share.

The bridge between two people is most often hidden in simple and honest verbal communication made possible by something called vulnerability. The reason this word is not so popular or is often overlooked is because people do not like the sound of susceptibility .The word in itself is easily translated to weakness especially in the event of one being unable to predict an outcome. We all want o look like we have got our act together that we know what we are about and are smarter than the next person. It is very easy to make people think we do not need them out of apprehension but the truth is it is not as equally effortless to truly convince others how much we need them without the anxiety of being forsaken.

If vulnerability was a word that interpreted independence, I think people would practice it more often.I have come to realize that for one to be that defenseless a lot of emotional intelligence is involved. First you need to know exactly what is you are feeling and the probable causes before you can verbalize that to any other person. True susceptibility turns out is not about losing your pride but about having power and control over your own feelings while at the same time enabling your loved one/ones know how to help you maneuver through it all. They became a sort of armor store where you draw your strength and fighting tools against all your uncertainties and emotional challenges. The people who dare take advantage of your vulnerability do not necessarily weaken you, only you can decide what to do with their disloyalty. That choice you make in or after such an occasion will greatly determine the kind of person you have chosen to be.

It is never your fault if people cannot handle the Genuine Nature of Truth

Today be brave in your expressions especially with the people you love, pray for equally brave people in your life and watch as you became be astounded at the mighty things you all can achieve as a result!